No matter how much you try, sometimes your temper and tongue escape you. It’s amazing, actually, that sometimes words just come out of your mouth and you seemingly have no control over the hurt that spills out across the Universe as a result of their harshness. Perhaps this has never happened to you and if not, be proud of this fact. If however, you have had on occasion to say words that you wished you could recall, read on.
It’s been my experience that at the core of these events is pain and hurt which are deeply rooted in disappointment and disillusionment that have built up over a period of time. And after constantly tamping down your needs and desires to preserve the peace, live selflessly, be in denial, embrace guilt, or whatever the reason may be, these negative emotions eventually rise to the surface and bubble over. The remaining aftermath can be ugly. Consider the following steps to address this event, and beyond this, identify ways to prevent the loss of future emotional control.
First, let yourself off of the hook. Acknowledge that you are human and subject to make mistakes. Your harm, while not intentional, was as a result of the perceived hurt that you are experiencing. Second, make a sincere apology for your words and the damage they may have caused – clearly communicate this was not your intention. You can be sorry for your words and the way they were expressed, but not for voicing your feelings. This is a method to assist in facilitating the realignment of your values. When we feel guilt, we are experiencing our own feelings as a result of violating our own values. Interestingly enough, when we feel shame, this is as a result of trespassing someone else’s values. It might be helpful to pause and consider this key point. Have you violated your values or someone else’s or both?
Third, use this as an opportunity to begin the conversation of why you are at this emotional tipping point. Tell the person of your past hurt and explain why you chose a passive, non-confrontational strategy to begin with. Agree to find another more positive solution for future issues and concerns so that next time, you are mindful of your words and are expressing them from a place caring and compassion. It’s important to remember that you have the power to choose your reaction to life’s challenges. Being thoughtful of your action’s will serve you well and set the tone for how you wish to be treated and to treat others.
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