Of the many factors that shape our lives – family dynamics, media and social influences, values, beliefs, sense of self, motivational preferences, relationships, luck, fate, or karma – our sense of self determines the amounts of joy, overall satisfaction, and abundance we experience.
To the degree we doubt our worthiness; we can limit or even sabotage our efforts, undermine our relationships, impact our health, and negatively contribute to our financial wellbeing. Have you ever wondered why so many able-bodied people live on the streets, reduced to pandering? Why some people continue to accept abusive partners? Or work in dead end jobs or those with unfavorable conditions? Or how about those who continue to make unhealthy eating and lifestyle choices?
Once we understand self-worth and establish some baseline beliefs, we are in a better position to help those who struggle with self-esteem. Before doing so, however, it is important that we must first help ourselves. Take note of the following fundamental tenets.
- No one else can give you an improved sense of self-worth. Self-esteem comes from internal validation of your attributes, unique gifts, and accrued expertise and skills. And everyone, without exception, has a special something that makes them distinct and remarkable.
- Your innate worth is a constant. It has never been lowered, compromised, or touched by chance or circumstance. It exists as a fact of life, like gravity and oxygen, and doesn’t need to be raised, restored, or earned.
Sit with those principles for a moment. How are these relevant to your own life? Consider the following questions, and respond with “Yes,” “No,” or “Sometimes.”
- When things are going your way, do you think ‘this can’t last?’
- Do you find it easier to give than to receive?
- Does your life feel like a drama series with one problem after another?
- Does money seem in short supply or non-existent?
- Do you find your work and/or relationships lacking at best?
- Do you work long hours and have limited down time?
- Do you feel driven to work more, do more, and be more than others?
- Do you overeat, smoke, drink alcohol daily, or use other non-prescription drugs?
- Do you seem to become ill or get injured more than other people?
- Do you often choose sedentary activities over those that are more active which require physical exertion?
If you answered “Yes” to a number of questions, did these situations just happen to you solely through bad luck? Is it possible that the choices you made and actions you took led to where you are? Importantly, acknowledging your role and responsibility in your current life can facilitate your personal power to make different decisions.
That is not to say that someone who is a victim of a crime or involved in an accident attracted such experiences due to low self-value. When we make decisions that lead to challenges, it is worth understanding them, however, in this context. For example, if you were abused as a child, the abuser was responsible, not you. If you are abused as an adult (by a significant other), the abuse itself is not your responsibility. The choice to stay with that person is and may be an indicator of low self-worth. Please note that this is not about assigning blame. Instead it’s about acknowledging our role and responsibility – both which lead to influencing our desire for change.
Discovering your unconditional value can help you expand fully into the world and be the person you were born to be. It begins with a first step – awareness. An awareness of an issue is the beginning of the solution. Think of a time in your life when you first became aware of a problem. How did this enlightenment lead to a positive resolution? Please feel free to share your journey. In my next post, we’ll discuss how accepting responsibility leads to self-empowerment and validates your personal growth.
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